Katie’s Neighborhood

knees against my chest, crouching low against the ground. taking and squeezing fistfuls of wet sand. the cold stream water numbing my bare feet. i was making a house in the sand, something small and safe for a smaller me. there was nobody around, the water, the sky and myself to keep each other the company. it was so cold. the wind tangled my hair. i was so tired and it hurt to make my hands into a fist. i laid down gently in the water, letting it surround me, lazily making snow angels in the sand, widening the water's path. and i slept for what felt like days. my body felt warmer in the warmer and my hair was safe from the wind.

i woke up and i was floating in the sand house that i had started making. i became a smaller me quicker than i had anticipated. everything was so unfinished and i was not yet ready. a house with three grainy walls. a house with no roof. but the sun was out now. 

small stream

SergioThree: there's other fish in the sea, man, she's just a girl
Beatsfromkorea: no dude, that's bullshit.
Beatsfromkorea: Think of it this way. if your precious copy of street fighter third strike broke and i told you "it's ok man, there's other games in the sea. here, play mortal kombat instead" what would you say? you'd be like, "fuck that, gimme third strike."
SergioThree: ...
SergioThree: you just reached me on a level that i never thought possible

[12:41] honeybear: ashley: how are you and selena doing?
me: really good
ashley: oh great! you guys are so cute together
me: lol thanks
ashley: plus she's like a genius

uninvolved third party agrees.
i'm a genius.

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[14:26] him: i wish you were here
[14:26] him: i like having you here

e.r.

yesterday was a day of me feeling even worse than i've felt lately. i ended up spending about four hours in the emergency room. needless to say, my health is just kind of deteriorating. as soon as i was actually admitted to see a doctor, i was in so much pain they were just like, "here. take two vicodin." for those of you who don't know me very well... i really don't like doctors, and i especially don't like emergency rooms. i don't resort to either unless i absolutely positively have to. i prefer staying home and letting my illness just kind of work through out. or doing that whole natural remedy thing.

let me just say, that yesterday's (un)health experience not only scared the living soul out of me but it was one of the more painful things i've had to endure in years. luckily, my "diagnosis" wasn't as bad as i imagined it would be. i was really pissed off to see that once we got out of the emergency room that i wasn't allowed to pick up my prescription for two days just in case it goes away on its own. this is one of those ailments where it just isn't going to go away without some kind of medicine.

i'm really glad my mom went with me to the hospital. thankfully, that calmed me down a little. especially after we were admitted. and i'm also glad ela came over after we came home. it was nice to have someone there.

i wonder if the people who say they'll keep you in their prayers actually remember to pray for you.

or to pray at all.

Prayer

Prayer beads

my grandma died.
i have no words.